Nursing a Grudge

I met Kandi in one of those Internet chat rooms back when chat rooms were barely known. There was a room called “Thirtysomething” on America Online and was frequented by middle-aged computer geeks and geek wannabes before broadband connections and Google captured their attention and carried them away to other realms of cyber-junkyism. I remember the room was limited to like 20 people and to get into the “main” room you would have to try for hours before a slot would open up. They even had little software patches like an automatic redial which would keep trying the room for you until a spot opened up. But the regulars were almost always there. I was never a regular, but I did get to know several of the denizens by name and carried on many interesting conversations ranging anywhere from the weather in various parts of the country to more thought-provoking topics like right-to-life and separation of church and state. You have to remember, Thirtysomethings then were fringe baby-boomers who grew up in the 60’s and 70’s and their opinions were often liberal or at least left-leaning. It was difficult for a Christian conservative to get a word in edge-wise.
Anyway, I was in the chat room one evening when KandiNurse popped in. Right away I could tell she was a newbie and, without some guidance, could easily be a target for ruthless guys looking to get their jollies by asking a female about her breast size and whether she was wearing any panties. Afterall, with a name like KandiNurse, you can just imagine the sleaze she could attract. AOL had terms of service that disallowed use of vulgar and obscene conversation, but you had to either be caught at it or be turned in by someone else in the room. So, by that time, a pervert could get by with a lot.
I quickly IM’d Kandi outside of the chat room and warned her about the impending litany of cat calls she was about to receive just because of her screen name. Sure enough, Kandi had just signed up for AOL service the day before and had stumbled onto the Thirtysomething chat room. She had received a couple of crude IM’s already, but had brushed them off as a fluke. Kandi never changed her screen name, but at least she was aware of the perverts who cavorted on-line lurking for an unsuspecting female to cyber-accost.
Kandi was a divorcee who got her nursing degree and was raising two children on her own after leaving a husband who basically told her she was worthless and would never amount to anything. She finally had enough when she found out her husband had an affair with a co-worker and she mustered the courage to take the children and figure out a way to make it on her own. Life was certainly not easy for her, but perseverance and determination got her a quaint little rancher in a family neighborhood, a nursing position at a local hospital and the dignity and respect she deserved from friends and loved ones. By all rights, she was doing rather well for herself. Still, a healthy confidence doesn’t always make up for a life shattered by abuse. I’m not saying Kandi was a needy person. Indeed, she is one of the bravest, most independent people I know. But, there were times when she was fragile and vulnerable and a friend with a shoulder to cry on was worth more to her than a thousand drop-dead gorgeous men with thick wallets.
We became close friends and remain so to this day. We don’t get to talk much anymore…usually no more than two or three times a year…but it’s gratifying to know that either of us can pick up the phone or send an e-mail and get a friendly response. Kandi has learned (often the hard way) to deal with things life throws at her and she handles them with poise and dignity. I hope in those early days so many years ago I had an influence in her life just by listening, comforting and affirming what was deep in her heart all along anyway. I remember the very first day I talked to her online; she had a catastrophe at her house. Apparently some guys from the city sanitation department were on her street “flushing” out sewer lines, but they flushed a little too hard and raw sewage backed up into her house so much so she had to call ServPro to come clean it up. I listened to her cry about the mess they made (and the fact the city denied any wrong doing), and then we laughed hysterically because you might as well laugh about something like that or it will eat you alive.
At any rate, Kandi taught me a lot about making lemonade when life throws you lemons and I think I helped her smile no matter how sour the lemonade was.